Lately, it feels like everyone is talking about “toxic” behavior — from friendships and relationships to online interactions. And honestly, at first, I thought this wave of awareness was going to bring some much-needed change. I even wrote a piece not too long ago about recognizing harmful relationships and protecting your peace.
But recently, I’ve noticed something new. It seems like the word toxic has started to lose its meaning. Suddenly, any disagreement or minor frustration is being labeled as toxic — when sometimes, it’s really just a misunderstanding or a lack of communication.
Let me give you an example.
If I called up my best friend to vent about how my fiancé never seems to buy coffee, I could easily spiral into labeling that behavior as unfair or even toxic. But if I’m honest with myself, I’ve never actually told him how I feel about it. Maybe he doesn’t even realize it’s bothering me. Maybe he’s covering other expenses I haven’t thought about. Before I label the situation, I owe it to us both to communicate.
And that’s the thing — calling everything toxic can stop us from doing the hard, but necessary, work of understanding and growing with the people we love.
💭 What Actually Makes a Relationship Toxic
Now, that doesn’t mean true toxicity doesn’t exist — it absolutely does. There are patterns of behavior that cross the line and can chip away at your peace and self-worth.
Here are a few examples of what toxic behavior can look like:
✨ They continuously ignore or dismiss important issues that matter to you.
✨ They use personal things you’ve shared against you later.
✨ They intentionally do something hurtful, then twist it to make you the problem.
✨ They never take accountability — it’s always your fault.
✨ They show little empathy, yet expect endless compassion from others.
✨ They can’t stand being told they’re wrong.
✨ Their apologies feel fake, condescending, or manipulative.
✨ When you express your feelings, they lash out and blame you for “starting drama.”
None of us are perfect — we all have moments where we’re selfish, defensive, or just not our best selves. But there’s a huge difference between someone who listens, reflects, and wants to grow versus someone who refuses to take responsibility.
For instance, if your partner needs time to cool off before having a hard conversation, that can be healthy. But if they constantly delay or avoid the talk because they don’t care or don’t value your needs, that’s when it becomes toxic.
🔥 The Candle Example
There’s a viral video that perfectly sums up a dynamic known as reactive abuse — when the real aggressor provokes someone, then plays the victim once the other person reacts.
In the clip, a little girl smugly blows out her sister’s birthday candles. Naturally, the younger sister gets upset — and guess who gets scolded? The little sister. It’s a lighthearted example, sure, but it highlights something real: the way manipulative behavior can shift blame and make the person reacting look like the problem.
At the end of the day, communication is everything. If something doesn’t feel right, don’t brush it aside. Talk it out, set boundaries, and trust your intuition. Healthy relationships — whether romantic, platonic, or family — are built on empathy, accountability, and effort from both sides.
It’s okay to call out truly harmful behavior, but let’s also leave space for growth, grace, and understanding. Because not everything that’s uncomfortable is toxic — sometimes it’s just human.
Follow Me
Get new content delivered directly to your inbox.
Cupcakes & Tea with Elizabeth 