Tag: personal reflection

  • East of Eden, Empathy, and the Question My High School Teacher Asked Me

    East of Eden, Empathy, and the Question My High School Teacher Asked Me


    This post contains spoilers for Netflix’s East of Eden.

    I haven’t read John Steinbeck’s East of Eden, and I also haven’t watched the earlier film adaptation starring James Dean. I went into Netflix’s East of Eden with no expectations beyond what this adaptation presented.

    Despite being published in 1952, the questions Steinbeck raises feel modern.

    At its core, East of Eden explores questions we’re still wrestling with today: generational trauma, family dysfunction, the impact of childhood experiences, and what happens when people who have been hurt go on to hurt others.

    The story follows Adam and Charles Trask, half-brothers whose relationship echoes the biblical story of Cain and Abel. Jealousy, favoritism, resentment, and violence shape their relationship and continue to affect the generations that come after them. Their stories eventually intertwine with Cathy, one of the most fascinating and unsettling characters I’ve encountered in recent fiction, and later with Adam’s sons, Cal and Aron.

    The Netflix adaptation is led by Florence Pugh as Cathy Ames, Christopher Abbott as Adam Trask, Mike Faist as Charles Trask, and Hoon Lee as Lee, with supporting performances from Tracy Letts, Martha Plimpton, and Ciarán Hinds. I loved Pugh’s portrayal of Cathy, a character who became central to many of the questions the series left me wrestling with.

    What struck me most wasn’t simply the Cain and Abel parallels.

    It was the idea that the same wounds keep appearing from one generation to the next.

    The question becomes: are we doomed to repeat what came before us, or do we have the power to choose differently?

    Cathy and the Complexity of Empathy

    The Netflix adaptation makes an interesting choice in how it presents Cathy.

    Rather than introducing her simply as a villain, it invites viewers to consider the trauma she experienced as a child. We see a young girl who wasn’t protected, wasn’t believed, and learned very early that the world could be dangerous.

    The adaptation even connects this experience to her fascination with Alice in Wonderland, particularly the desire to become smaller and smaller until she can disappear altogether.

    I found this portrayal deeply sad.

    It doesn’t make Cathy a good person.

    It doesn’t excuse all the harm she causes.

    Her choices remain her own.

    Yet the series asks viewers to sit with an uncomfortable reality: understanding someone’s pain is not the same thing as excusing their behavior.

    One thing I found particularly interesting after finishing the series was learning how dramatically Netflix appears to have changed Cathy’s backstory.

    From what I’ve read in summaries and discussions of the novel, Steinbeck presents Cathy very differently. Rather than portraying her as a child who experienced sexual violence, many readers point to an incident involving a ten-year-old Cathy and a false accusation against two boys. Steinbeck also reportedly introduces her as someone who lacks the empathy and moral instincts that most people possess.

    Netflix takes a different approach.

    Instead of treating Cathy as someone born evil, the adaptation presents her as someone shaped by trauma. In the series, she is sexually assaulted as a child and forced to navigate a world that repeatedly exploits her.

    Since I haven’t read the novel yet, I can’t fully compare the two versions for myself. But from what I’ve learned, the adaptation seems less interested in asking whether evil is inherited and more interested in asking how trauma shapes people.

    I find that shift fascinating.

    Not because it excuses Cathy.

    It doesn’t.

    The terrible things she does remain her responsibility.

    But by changing her childhood, Netflix transforms Cathy from a symbol of inherent evil into a deeply damaged human being making destructive choices.

    That distinction matters.

    The adaptation doesn’t ask me to forgive Cathy.

    It asks me to understand her.

    And those are not the same thing.

    In many ways, that change reinforces the central question that stayed with me throughout the series: What happens when hurt people hurt people?

    Can we recognize someone’s suffering without excusing the suffering they cause?

    Can empathy and accountability exist at the same time?

    I think they can.

    And I think that’s one reason this adaptation resonated with me so strongly.

    For me, one of the most difficult questions raised by the story is where responsibility begins and ends.

    If someone is harmed by others, how much responsibility do those people bear for what follows?

    If someone makes choices that hurt others, how much responsibility belongs to them?

    The story doesn’t provide easy answers.

    Instead, it leaves viewers wrestling with difficult questions about trauma, agency, and accountability.

    The Question My Teacher Asked Me

    Watching East of Eden unexpectedly brought me back to a paper I wrote in high school.

    My class was reading Of Mice and Men, and we were assigned a question that has followed generations of readers:

    Was George right to kill Lennie?

    At the time, my answer felt simple.

    Lennie had killed someone.

    Therefore, George did the right thing.

    I viewed the world in fairly black-and-white terms. At the time, I believed people had to be taught kindness and selflessness. We teach children not to hit, not to kick, not to take what isn’t theirs. We teach them to share, to consider the needs of others, and to think beyond themselves.

    In my teenage mind, babies are born selfish. Selflessness is something we learn. Kindness is something we practice. Morality is something we are taught.

    So when I looked at Lennie, I wasn’t thinking about empathy. I was thinking about responsibility. He had done something terrible, and that fact overshadowed everything else.

    Looking back, I can see that I was viewing the situation through a very rigid lens.

    Then my teacher returned my paper, and in the margins he had written a question I’ve never forgotten:

    “Where is your empathy?”

    At the time, I didn’t fully understand what he meant.

    Now I think I do.

    Interestingly, I still believe George made the right choice.

    What has changed is my understanding of the question.

    Lennie wasn’t evil.

    He didn’t understand his own strength.

    He loved people.

    He cared for George.

    He wanted friendship, safety, and belonging.

    And yet, he killed someone.

    His good intentions didn’t erase the consequences of what happened.

    But the consequences didn’t erase his humanity either.

    As a teenager, I focused almost entirely on responsibility.

    As an adult, I’ve come to understand that empathy and accountability can exist at the same time.

    What East of Eden Made Me Realize

    That’s why Cathy fascinated me so much.

    Understanding the trauma she experienced doesn’t excuse what she does.

    But neither does the harm she causes erase the reality of her suffering.

    The same applies to Cal.

    His greatest fear isn’t that he’s done something wrong.

    His greatest fear is that he is something wrong.

    He worries that because he comes from Cathy, he is destined to become her.

    That there is something broken in him that can never be fixed.

    What both Of Mice and Men and East of Eden challenged me to realize is that people are rarely as simple as we want them to be.

    When I was younger, I wanted clear categories. Good people and bad people. Heroes and villains. Innocent people and guilty people.

    But the older I get, the more I realize that most people don’t fit neatly into those boxes.

    East of Eden repeatedly reminds us that there is good and bad in everyone. No one is completely pure. No one is completely without flaws. Even the characters who seem kind and virtuous have moments of weakness, selfishness, and failure. Likewise, the characters who cause harm are not always without humanity, pain, or vulnerability.

    Cathy may be one of the most destructive characters in the story, yet we are shown the wounds that shaped her. Cal fears that darkness exists within him, yet he is also capable of compassion, love, and sacrifice. Adam wants to be a good father, yet he often fails the people who need him most.

    That’s what makes the story feel so human.

    It refuses to divide people into saints and monsters.

    Instead, it suggests that all of us carry the capacity for both good and evil. The question is not whether darkness exists within us. The question is what we choose to do with it.

    And that’s where one of the story’s most famous ideas comes in:

    Timshel.

    “Thou mayest.”

    You may choose.

    You may choose differently than your parents.

    You may choose differently than your past.

    You may choose differently than what has been handed down to you.

    The older I get, the less interested I am in sorting people into categories of good and bad.

    Life simply isn’t that simple.

    People can be victims and perpetrators.

    They can be loving and destructive.

    They can be wounded and responsible.

    They can deserve accountability while still deserving our empathy.

    Maybe that’s why East of Eden affected me so much.

    What began as a story about brothers became a story about choice.

    A story about whether trauma becomes destiny.

    A story about whether the worst thing that happened to us, or the worst thing we’ve done, defines who we are forever.

    And perhaps that’s the same lesson my teacher was trying to teach me all those years ago.

    Empathy is not the opposite of accountability.

    Accountability is not the absence of empathy.

    The challenge is learning how to hold both truths at the same time.

    Because if there is both good and bad in all of us, then none of us are simply the worst thing we’ve done, nor are we only the best parts of ourselves.

    We are the choices we make.

    And that, ultimately, is what timshel means to me.

    Thou mayest.

    Not that trauma isn’t real.

    Not that our childhoods don’t shape us.

    Not that the choices of others don’t affect the course of our lives.

    But that what happened to us is not the entire story.

    We still have a choice in what comes next.

    Maybe that’s why this story has stayed with me.

    I started East of Eden expecting a story about two brothers.

    Instead, I found myself thinking about empathy, accountability, generational trauma, and a question my high school teacher wrote in the margins of a paper years ago.

    “Where is your empathy?”

    I think East of Eden answers that question by reminding us that understanding someone is not the same thing as excusing them.

    Empathy does not erase consequences.

    Accountability does not erase humanity.

    And perhaps wisdom is learning how to hold both truths at once.

    Perhaps maturity isn’t learning that people are good or bad. Perhaps it’s learning that people are almost always both.

    There is light and darkness in all of us.

    The question is not which one exists.

    The question is which one we choose to nurture.

    Timshel.

    Thou mayest.

    You may choose.

    And maybe that’s the most hopeful part of all.


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  • Saying Goodbye to Outlander: Why This Story Meant So Much to Me

    Saying Goodbye to Outlander: Why This Story Meant So Much to Me

    I wasn’t ready to say goodbye.

    And maybe you weren’t either.

    When Outlander came to an end—(or at least felt like it did)—I found myself sitting there, overwhelmed with emotion, tears I didn’t expect quietly falling. It wasn’t just the ending of a show. It felt like closing something sacred. Something that had gently made its way into my heart without me even realizing it.

    Because the truth is, Outlander surprised me.

    I didn’t go looking for it. In fact, I resisted it. I had people tell me over and over again to watch it, and each time, I brushed it off. It didn’t seem like “my kind” of story.

    But then one day, I pressed play.

    And something in me shifted.

    From that moment on, I was drawn in—not just by the story, but by the feeling of it all. You know the kind of feeling that lingers after the episode ends… the kind that sits with you, quietly asking you to pay attention?

    It Was Never Just a Love Story

    Yes, Outlander is a love story—but if you’ve watched it, you know it’s so much more than that.

    It’s love woven through time, through sacrifice, through impossible choices.

    It’s magic.
    It’s history.
    It’s the ache of belonging somewhere you’ve never been.

    It’s forget-me-nots blooming as a reminder that some things are meant to find you.

    A Piece of Me I Didn’t Know Was There

    Something I don’t talk about often is my Scottish ancestry—Dunbar and Rose.

    It’s always been a fact, something I knew, but not something I felt deeply connected to. If anything, my heart has always leaned more toward Ireland.

    But Outlander… it stirred something different.

    Watching it, I felt this quiet awakening—a sense of recognition I couldn’t quite explain. Not just in the landscapes or the stories, but in the spirit of it all.

    The strength.
    The loyalty.
    The resilience in the face of loss and change.

    It made me pause and wonder—how much of that lives in me too?

    Even knowing the show isn’t perfectly historically accurate, it carries a truth that goes deeper than facts. It carries feeling. And sometimes, feeling is what connects us most.

    The Beauty That Stays With You

    There’s a softness to Outlander that lingers.

    The way the light hits the hills.
    The movement of fabric in the wind.
    The music that feels almost like a memory you can’t quite place.

    It doesn’t just tell a story—it invites you into one.

    There were moments I didn’t feel like I was watching it… I felt like I was sitting inside of it. And in the quietest way, it felt like home.

    At one point, I found myself stepping into that world in my own way—wearing a look inspired by Ellen MacKenzie from Blood of My Blood. And in that quiet moment, standing there in the light, it didn’t feel like dress-up. It felt like a connection. Like something in me understood the story on a deeper level.

    Why Saying Goodbye Hurt So Much

    I think the reason it hurt—the reason I cried—is because Outlander gave me something I didn’t know I needed.

    It reminded me that where we come from matters.
    That strength can be inherited in ways we don’t always see.
    That love—real, enduring love—can exist through anything.

    And when something touches your soul like that… it’s never easy to let it go.

    But Maybe It Isn’t the End

    Here’s what I keep coming back to:

    Maybe this isn’t really goodbye.

    With Blood of My Blood ahead of us, and an ending that still feels open, there’s a quiet hope that the story is still unfolding.

    And maybe that’s the real gift of Outlander.

    It doesn’t stay confined to the screen.
    It doesn’t end when the credits roll.

    It becomes part of you.

    And if you’ve felt that too—if this story has stirred something in your heart, reminded you of who you are, or where you come from—then maybe you understand why this goodbye doesn’t feel simple.

    Or final.

    And for that… I’m so grateful we got to experience it.


    If this story stayed with you, I’d love for you to stay connected.

  • When Everything Becomes “Toxic”: A Little Perspective on Modern Relationships

    When Everything Becomes “Toxic”: A Little Perspective on Modern Relationships

    Lately, it feels like everyone is talking about “toxic” behavior — from friendships and relationships to online interactions. And honestly, at first, I thought this wave of awareness was going to bring some much-needed change. I even wrote a piece not too long ago about recognizing harmful relationships and protecting your peace.

    But recently, I’ve noticed something new. It seems like the word toxic has started to lose its meaning. Suddenly, any disagreement or minor frustration is being labeled as toxic — when sometimes, it’s really just a misunderstanding or a lack of communication.

    Let me give you an example.
    If I called up my best friend to vent about how my fiancé never seems to buy coffee, I could easily spiral into labeling that behavior as unfair or even toxic. But if I’m honest with myself, I’ve never actually told him how I feel about it. Maybe he doesn’t even realize it’s bothering me. Maybe he’s covering other expenses I haven’t thought about. Before I label the situation, I owe it to us both to communicate.

    And that’s the thing — calling everything toxic can stop us from doing the hard, but necessary, work of understanding and growing with the people we love.


    💭 What Actually Makes a Relationship Toxic

    Now, that doesn’t mean true toxicity doesn’t exist — it absolutely does. There are patterns of behavior that cross the line and can chip away at your peace and self-worth.

    Here are a few examples of what toxic behavior can look like:

    ✨ They continuously ignore or dismiss important issues that matter to you.
    ✨ They use personal things you’ve shared against you later.
    ✨ They intentionally do something hurtful, then twist it to make you the problem.
    ✨ They never take accountability — it’s always your fault.
    ✨ They show little empathy, yet expect endless compassion from others.
    ✨ They can’t stand being told they’re wrong.
    ✨ Their apologies feel fake, condescending, or manipulative.
    ✨ When you express your feelings, they lash out and blame you for “starting drama.”

    None of us are perfect — we all have moments where we’re selfish, defensive, or just not our best selves. But there’s a huge difference between someone who listens, reflects, and wants to grow versus someone who refuses to take responsibility.

    For instance, if your partner needs time to cool off before having a hard conversation, that can be healthy. But if they constantly delay or avoid the talk because they don’t care or don’t value your needs, that’s when it becomes toxic.


    🔥 The Candle Example
    There’s a viral video that perfectly sums up a dynamic known as reactive abuse — when the real aggressor provokes someone, then plays the victim once the other person reacts.

    In the clip, a little girl smugly blows out her sister’s birthday candles. Naturally, the younger sister gets upset — and guess who gets scolded? The little sister. It’s a lighthearted example, sure, but it highlights something real: the way manipulative behavior can shift blame and make the person reacting look like the problem.



    At the end of the day, communication is everything. If something doesn’t feel right, don’t brush it aside. Talk it out, set boundaries, and trust your intuition. Healthy relationships — whether romantic, platonic, or family — are built on empathy, accountability, and effort from both sides.

    It’s okay to call out truly harmful behavior, but let’s also leave space for growth, grace, and understanding. Because not everything that’s uncomfortable is toxic — sometimes it’s just human.


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  • A Teenager, a Rumor, and a Lesson in Compassion

    A Teenager, a Rumor, and a Lesson in Compassion

    Now that I’ve told you about that one high school disaster, I have to tell you about the other one — because of course there’s more than one.Looking back, this embarrassing high school moment was about more than awkwardness — it was my first real lesson in power, trust, and who schools choose to protect.

    I was reminded of this whole saga recently while catching up with one of my closest childhood friends at our annual Christmas meetup. We always slip into reminiscing mode: childhood memories, inside jokes, and yes… the high school stories that make us cringe and laugh at the same time.


    Cheer Tryouts at 6 AM (Because Why Not?)

    Picture 14-year-old me: excited, hopeful, and trying out for cheerleading. The tryouts were held before school at 6 AM. And being 14, I did not think to bring an extra outfit or shower supplies. So I went straight to class feeling… let’s say “less than fresh.”

    Facepalm doesn’t even begin to cover it.

    My first class of the day was jewelry art with a few close friends. I kept joking about how gross I felt and even made a ridiculous comment about rubbing my friend’s Pepsi on me to mask the smell. Why Pepsi? I truly don’t know — but at the time, it felt hilarious in that “we’re young and delirious” high school way.

    My friends reassured me that I didn’t smell, told me everything was fine, and we carried on like normal. At least… I thought we did.


    The Mysterious Escort to the Office

    The day continued until English class. As I approached the door, I saw my teacher standing beside a woman I didn’t recognize — possibly a secretary? Before I could even cross the threshold, the secretary stopped me:

    “You need to come to the office.”

    And me? Being the cheerful, naive little freshman I was, I responded, “Oh! Sure, I can!” with a literal skip in my step. I had absolutely no idea what was about to happen.

    I was seated in a chair outside an office, tucked in a hallway past the lobby. With a few minutes to kill, I pulled out my bronzer compact and touched up my makeup like I was backstage at America’s Next Top Model. Tyra Banks and Snooki would’ve been so proud. Present-day me cringes at the memory!


    The Interrogation Begins

    A blonde woman eventually appeared and led me into an office. I chirped a friendly “Hello!” because… well, I was 14 and friendly.

    She was not.

    “Elizabeth.”
    Cold. Flat. Disapproving.

    Then, after clearing her throat, her voice dropped an octave:
    “Elizabeth, have you been doing something you shouldn’t?”

    I froze. I didn’t know who she was, why I was here, or what on earth she was implying. I stammered, “No… I don’t think so. What do you mean?”

    She stared at me blankly before snapping, “You know what I mean!”

    I felt fear and anger rising in my chest. Tears welled in my eyes — which only made things worse. She mocked me:

    “Oh wow. You’re quite emotional, aren’t you? Why are you so emotional?”

    Her tone, her expression… everything about her said she had already judged me. Already decided who I was. I felt completely trapped.

    She stormed out, demanding to know “what I was even doing out there,” and the secretary casually replied, “She was just sitting out here doing her makeup like it was nothing.”

    My bronzer compact suddenly felt like Exhibit A in a crime I did not commit.

    Panicked, I texted my brother on my little flip phone:
    “They think I’ve been doing something!! What do I do????”
    He, unfortunately, was asleep.


    Enter: The Vice Principal

    The blonde woman returned with the Vice Principal, a man who had already creeped out most of the student body. Rumors had swirled after a shirtless photo of him (tribal tattoo and all) circulated around school, followed by whispers of inappropriate behavior with female students.

    This did not help my anxiety.

    “We’re going to have to breathalyze you,” he said sternly.

    I was literally shaking as I blew into the tube. Of course, it showed I hadn’t been drinking — I was the most straight-laced kid at this time. I didn’t even think drinking was an option for me.

    But the humiliation was already done.

    Next, they dragged me down the hallway to search my locker. If they were looking for lip gloss and Twilight novels, they would have struck gold. But alcohol? Obviously not.

    They found nothing and finally sent me off to class, shaken and humiliated.


    So What Actually Happened?

    The administration didn’t even call my parents. They didn’t try to understand. They didn’t care.

    But they did email the cheerleading coach to report “an incident.”

    It turns out a group of senior girls from my jewelry art class had overheard my silly comments about smelling gross. Instead of minding their own business, they drew a map of the art room, put an X where I sat, and reported — in writing — that I had been drinking.

    I thought their staring earlier was because I actually smelled. But no. They were taking notes like undercover agents in the world’s most pointless sting operation.

    One of those girls is now a police officer, and while I hope she’s grown since high school… I can’t help but worry about discrimination and abuse of power when I remember how casually they lied about me. Even after it was proven false, they kept bragging that they “got me in trouble.” I ran into her years later and asked her about this ordeal and why it happened. She blamed another girl and said it was because she could.


    Why This Matters: A Lesson in Power and Accountability

    There’s one more part of this story that sticks with me — maybe the part that matters most.

    Not long after everything happened, the principal called me into his office. He told me there wouldn’t be any disciplinary action taken against the girls who accused me. Then he asked, gently but pointedly, if that would upset me… if I planned to hold any grudges.

    And I lied.

    I smiled. I said no. I said it was fine.

    But what was really going through my head was something like, Oh. I see what’s happening here.
    I understood, even at fourteen, that the adults in charge were protecting themselves and the system — not me.

    I left that office furious.

    Our school motto was “AMES HI AIMS HIGH.” It was painted everywhere — hallways, assemblies, pep talks. And after this, it felt disgusting to me. Not because aiming high is bad, but because it wasn’t real. It wasn’t for everyone. It was for certain students, certain families, certain narratives they wanted to protect.

    Looking back, I can trace a line from that moment forward. Over the next few years, I was called into that same office again and again for tardiness. I could never seem to be on time. I was truly something back then — scattered, angry, quietly rebellious in ways I didn’t yet have words for.

    If I had to pick a starting point for where that “something” began — the distrust, the edge, the inability to care the way I once did — it was here.

    This wasn’t just about an embarrassing misunderstanding or teenage drama. It was about being falsely accused, humiliated, and then told — politely — to swallow it. To be agreeable. To move on without accountability.

    That’s why this story still lives rent-free in my brain all these years later.

    Because when adults dismiss harm instead of addressing it, kids internalize that lesson. We learn when the truth matters — and when it doesn’t. We learn who is protected and who is expendable. And sometimes, we carry that knowledge with us far longer than anyone expects.


    The Aftermath

    This whole ordeal shattered my trust in my high school’s administration. I was a naive, emotional freshman who made one silly comment about body odor — and suddenly, adults were breathalyzing me, mocking me, and treating me like a drunk idiot.

    I truly hope schools handle situations like this differently today.

    High school feels huge when you’re in it, but in the grand scheme of life, it’s just a small chapter — even if some moments stick with us forever. Some stories fade with time. Others shape who we become — whether anyone ever apologized or not.

    Do you have any stories from high school that still make you cringe, laugh, or both? Share them below — I’d love to hear them.