Thoughts on Toxicity in Relationships

Recently, there’s been a surge of people discussing and shedding light on negative behavior both online and in their personal interactions. Initially, I thought this was going to create positive change, and I wrote a piece on recognizing harmful relationships. However, I have noticed that labeling any disagreement as “toxic” is becoming increasingly common. For example, I could hypothetically call a friend right now and vent about my frustrations with my fiance’s lack of contribution to our coffee purchases. However, it’s possible that my fiance is unaware of this issue because I’ve never brought it up to him. Additionally, he may be contributing in other ways that even out the expenses. It’s important to communicate with my partner rather than just complaining to friends. It’s great that toxic behavior is being exposed, but it’s important to avoid over-generalizing situations.

I want to review some instances that might make the situation or person toxic.

Continues to push back or ignore an argument or an essential issue.
Gets information from you to use it against you in the future.
Knowingly does something wrong, then acts like you’re the problem when you react.
Blames you for everything, without taking responsibility for their faults as well.
They lack empathy for you but expect compassion and kindness in every situation from others.
Something making them the problem won’t be tolerated.
Does not apologize, and if they do, it’s in a condensing or fake way.
If you’re upset about something, they’ll become angry or blame you for upsetting them with the problem you’re upset about.

I just want to clarify that we all have our flaws and tendencies towards self-centeredness, so it comes down to the ability of williness to listen and grow. Take, for instance, someone who postpones an important conversation to take time to think things through. While this may work for them, it can be draining for others involved. It’s important to communicate your needs and let them know that delaying the conversation is not healthy for you. However, if they are putting off the conversation because they don’t care or understand how it affects you, then that behavior becomes toxic.

The video below shows an example of reactive abuse. The older sister smugly blows out the younger sisters’ candles, but who gets in trouble? The little sister for reacting to the older sister. This is just an example; I realize siblings will have fights, but this is toxic behavior, and the older sister should have some discipline.

Here is another example of toxic behavior.

It’s important to openly discuss any concerns and discomfort you may have. Trust your instincts, and don’t hesitate to seek help if something doesn’t feel right. Communication is key and trust your intuition.