I’m back to traveling, but cackling so hard writing this because our honeymoon was terrible 😂 I haven’t even heard of someone having a bad time in Hawaii, but here we are; nothing is impossible when it comes to me, which I’ve found easily swings both ways.

We were looking forward to our honeymoon, especially after our wedding mishaps. We said goodbye to Iowa and hello to Hawaii! We had one layover, but our flights were all on time, and we didn’t experience any issues. We arrived in Maui and were gifted a beautiful lei greeting from our travel agent, and things were off to a fantastic start.

We finally arrived at the Mana Kai Maui resort and were so excited. The views were beautiful, and we thought we would have a dream honeymoon. 😂 Mana Kai Maui—where heaven meets earth— this tagline definitely became a running joke throughout our trip, and even now.

• Resort General Store, Restaurant, & Bar Closed
  When we checked in, we were told the resort’s restaurant, bar, and general store had closed two or three weeks prior, and we did not rent a car as we had planned on staying at the resort most of the t me. We were so tired from the 10-hour journey that we decided to deal with everything in the morning.
  • Highlight: We woke up early and decided to go down to the beach as the front desk wouldn’t be open for another few hours. We had fun soaking up the sun and being in the ocean. It was probably one of the highlights of the trip.
    
• No Honeymoon Package
  Once the front desk opened, I asked about our ‘honeymoon package’ that we paid for: champagne on ice, chocolates, and macadamia nuts. We were they didn’t do that and that they didn’t know what we were talking about and wanted to see where we got our information. I forwarded our confirmation email to them, and two days later, they showed up with some champagne and nuts right off the grocery store shelf after being contacted by our travel agent. 😂 Our poor travel agent was furious and worked hard with the resort. They also initially told us that since their office closes at 4, they’d only be able to hold our bags the day of our flight home until the office closed, but that we could leave our bags in the lobby for the rest of the day and use their facilities as needed. After speaking with our travel agent, they agreed that we could stay in the room until 8 pm for our 11pm flight. The day our flight left, they called us in the afternoon to ask why our bags and items were still there and that we needed permission if we wanted to stay longer. It was CRAZY. After explaining, the front desk worker apologized, but it was so wild.
  • Highlight: The next day, we went on a Sunset Luau Dinner Cruise, which was OK. It was smaller than we thought and wasn’t an authentic Luala. It’s run by a married couple, who do everything themselves, including dancing. We knew this going into it, but I think if we had known about the problems with the resort, we would have gone to an authentic luau. However, this would be perfect for someone looking for a boose cruise-type experience, or looking to hear some history, see some dancing, and be out on the water. We didn’t see any whales on the cruise, but if you go during peak season, I think this would be a fun option to add to your trip, as you can also attend an authentic luau.
    
• Stranded at Ali’i Kula Lavender Farm
  We started the day off at the Kula Botanical Garden and planned to go to the Ali’i Kula Lavender Farm and Maui Wine. The botanical garden was affordable and pleasant, but two days prior, a storm destroyed part of the garden, including their koi fish pond, which was why we had wanted to go there. We shrugged it off as we had met an older couple who bought us a lovely card as they had gone to Maui on their honeymoon and decided never to leave. 
  
  We then went to the next place, which was the Ali’i Kula Lavender Farm. When we got there, we were surprised at how small it was, but they had a cute gift shop, and I am obsessed with everything lavender. We spent about 30 minutes there and decided to look for a ride to Maui Wine, which was our last destination of the day. After a while of searching, we started to get worried and asked the staff for a taxi service phone number or any advice. The staff said, “Oh no, we hate it when this happens; cars don’t come out here. The closest bus station is a long walk. You’ll want to start heading down the hill.” After about 30 minutes of asking strangers if they could take us down the hill ( around a 10-minute drive), we started walking. We walked for about 20 minutes until, luckily, we found a driver who was able to pick us up. We both started tearing up because we were so thankful. As you can see below, my outfit certainly wasn’t fit for a hike! 
  
  At this time, we had to head back to the resort as our reservation for Maui wine had passed, and we both were exhausted. What made it worse was we got a confirmation email from the car service that had arranged to pick us up from the winery.  
  • Highlight: Our car ride back to the resort was so interesting! 😂 We happened to get a driver from Poland who told us all about polish conspiracy theories and Russia. It is a ride we will never forget. To top off the experience, he mentioned how lucky we were to stay at the Mana Kai Maui Resort, as they had a fantastic restaurant. 😂
    
• Horror Massage
  We scheduled a massage on the beach and thought it’ll be wonderful to relax and enjoy the sounds of the ocean; maybe it’ll perk us up a little bit. We had been emailing about having our massage outside near the beach, and we made the appointment via text. 
  
  We got excited as we waited for the massage and finally heard the door knock. Once we opened the door, she looked shocked and said, “This is your room!!?? You had to have known we couldn’t fit in here????!!!!!!” My husband and I were confused as we had discussed the massage being out on the beach, which she had said was fine as she’d done it before and was familiar with our resort. We let her know that we thought the massage was outside, and she left for a moment and said, we’re just not going to do this then, and then peaked back in the room to ask if we had even asked the resort about having the message on their property outside. Since we had discussed this previously, and she said she had done it before, I figured this was part of her job. A few minutes later, we ended up getting permission, and we went to the beach. Of course, she picked the busiest area, claiming there was no shade elsewhere, I tried to point out different shaded options, and she just said we needed to get started because they weren’t going to drag their equipment everywhere. It was so embarrassing. I figured, oh well, we aren’t coming back here, so if people are gawking and taking photos, who cares, we won’t ever know. I thought, well, let’s try to relax, but then the massage started, and I have never had a more… aggressive massage. When she asked if the pressure was OK, I told her to have lighter pressure, and she said, “trust me, you don’t want it much lighter.” She also stuck her hands up my swimsuit bottoms, which was bizarre. Needless to say, the massage did not relax us. 😂
  • Highlight:  She did a good job on my neck.
    
• Overall Trip Highlights
  • I would recommend going on the Maui Tropical Express Tour! It’s super nice and a fun experience. I had the most amazing smoothie there! It also isn’t very expensive. An adult ticket was only $25.
  • The Ocean Vodka Distillery tasting is not only fun but also interesting! It’s cool to see the farm and see how everything is made. I recommend eating there as well. The current chef is the former personal chef of Tom Cruz. I got a poke bowl!
  • The sea turtle cove near the resort was so cool! We were able to catch a glimpse of several sea turtles while there.
    
    Our trip was not heaven on earth or anything close to it, but I’m glad we were together and earned some experience. Normally, I would have double-checked everything before our arrival; however, since this was for my wedding, I relied on other people we were paying to do that for me. If I could go back, I would have carved out time to ensure everything was set. 😂

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