Tender. Loving. Care. We could all use a little more of that. I apply this to other people in my life, but I need to start applying to myself as well.
My diabetes is not under control, I’m gaining weight, my sugars are high, my gums are awful, and I’m not changing anything about my lifestyle. It’s so wild, I talk poorly about people who weigh 500 pounds and talk about how they do it to themselves, but I’m no different than they are. I can talk about people all I want, but I put my health in jeopardy every day just like they do. This morning, I had multigrain wheat toast with NUTELLA. It wasn’t even a little bit of Nutella! I’m talking like a little less than half of the jar. But then I go and complain about how I don’t feel good and about how dry, cracked and swollen my hands are? Like…?? I put myself in a position to have poor health.
By my freshman year of college, I had gone through so many mental breakdowns that I was ready to change my mental state and look the way I wanted to. Within 6 months, I lost over 40 pounds through dieting and exercise. I was around 150 pounds and had made it down to around 105 pounds.
During the first months, my diet was not exactly healthy. After losing quite a bit of weight, I relaxed a bit and had a more balanced diet. In the beginning, I did have one cheat meal a week. The rest of the meals were extremely low carb and I counted calories. I believe I stopped eating when I reached 1,500 calories. After I lost weight, I did feel better about myself, but it wasn’t done the right way. I felt cleaner, and I felt pretty. This was all before I was diagnosed with diabetes.
After about two years, I started going back to eating how I normally would have before I started dieting. Going forward to now, I have now gained back all the weight and lost most of the muscle I had gained. This wouldn’t be as big of a deal if I wasn’t diabetic. Now I’m having to reexamine everything I eat and how much I
exercise. It’s hard to go back to how strict and determined I was, and I don’t want to control what I eat anymore. Like damn, when I come home and what a plate full of pasta, let me have it. However, I need to find a more balanced diet. If I continue the way I am now, I will allow myself to be ill. I have been sick with these odd cases of flu for the past year. A couple of months ago, I was hospitalized. It took months, *MONTHS* for me to even feel better. I still don’t even feel normal. These “flus” might be a separate issue, but having my diabetes out of control is not helping my immune system.
I hope that I can find a way to eat and live healthier with diabetes. I can blame being poor or being busy for the way my health is, but at some point, I need to make some sort of change. Tender. Loving. Care. That’s what I want to apply to my life.
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